


Haven't You Noticed

by LovelyLola



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bellarke, F/M, Homecoming, Post-Episode: s02e16 Blood Must Have Blood Part II, Sleep Walking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:23:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3702961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLola/pseuds/LovelyLola
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke comes back to Camp Jaha and several of the delinquents are upset, including Bellamy Blake. But it's not for the reasons everyone thinks. Yet, he is unable to confront Clarke. That is, until he follows her into the woods when she is sleep walking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haven't You Noticed

**Author's Note:**

> I had to dabble with the season two finale, as it is just to much! And honestly, you'll probably see me doing more of it in the future. I hope this is as satisfying to read as it was to write. Enjoy it, and let me know what you think! 
> 
> P.S. This was inspired by the song "Falling" by The Civil Wars.

Clarke had been gone four months when she suddenly reappeared at the gate, covered in dirty with a hesitant smile on her face. 

Her return was nothing special to the adults at Camp Jaha. They were just thankful that Abigail Griffin was no longer yelling all the time, or crying at night. And one more doctor at the camp would certainly be helpful as the weather started to turn cold. 

But her presence is something that the original one hundred can not brush off. Most of them had been thankful to Clarke for bringing the forty-seven home, but had become bitter when she left. “She was one of the leaders; she was like our mom! What mom would feel guilty for saving her children, not matter what the cost?!?”

And while their anger is justified, it seems petty to Bellamy. Especially when there are some delinquents who have every right to be mad at Clarke.

From the moment they returned, Jasper has refused to talk to everyone, especially Bellamy. And he does the same to Clarke. Instead, he chooses to sit on a log next to the fire, drinking whatever moonshine he can get his hands on. 

Octavia still blames Clarke for the destruction of TonDC, for the death at Mount Weather, for putting Bellamy’s life in danger. Most of all, she is mad at the influence Lexa had on Clarke. 

“You weren’t there Bell.” She told him one night, a few weeks back at camp. “Lexa could get into Clarke’s head. And it was like Clarke believed anything that came out of Lexa’s mouth, just because she is commander of the grounders. It’s Lexa’s fault you were sent to Mount Weather, and that Clarke had to pull that lever. All because Clarke believed in Lexa’s strength. And look where that got her.” 

So Octavia still avoids Clarke, or any mention of the grounder’s commander for that matter. 

Raven, on the other hand, had seemed to accept the reality of Finn’s death and no longer resented Clarke. So Bellamy had been confused when the mechanic was cold to Clarke when she returned. It all became clear, though. Three weeks after Clarke made it back, she was sitting outside the med bay when Raven found her. The brunette was in Clarke’s face and gabbing a finger at her. Bellamy had almost intervened, but stopped when he heard Raven’s words. 

“You left! You took Finn from me, and I was pissed. Then you saved my life, only so you could disappear. You are a coward Griffin, and you’re gonna have to do a lot more than show up and heal some cuts to prove otherwise.” 

But the confrontation seemed to ease some of Raven’s hostility, especially after Clarke got her mother to agree that Raven and Wick should be part of the effort to develop defenses for the camp. 

As Raven is now civil, that means that three people willingly interact with Clarke; that is Abigail, Raven, and Monty. 

Monty had been the only one from the one hundred to accept Clarke from the moment she returned. He had been spending a lot of time alone, especially since Jasper wanted nothing to do with him. So when Clarke reappeared, it seemed to give Monty some of his spirit back. He could often be seen eating with the blonde, going with her to search the forest for helpful plants, and even helping around the med bay. 

And Bellamy is grateful that Monty is acting this way, the way Bellamy wants too. 

It is bad enough that the delinquents seem to follow Bellamy’s example when it comes to interacting with Clarke. He feels their eyes on him as he walks past Clarke without saying a word, no longer standing by her side or arguing with her over something or other. 

And it makes it that much worse that Bellamy isn’t avoiding Clarke for the reasons everyone thinks. 

He had never hated Clarke for what she had done, not even when Octavia tried to make him see how wrong Clarke had been. “It was what had to be done.” He thought, knowing that everything that happened had saved his people. And he couldn’t deny any part he played, the things that he and Clarke had done together - although everyone seemed to forget he was involved at all. 

Rather, he avoided Clarke because of the pain she had caused their people, caused him. 

He had told her that she was forgiven, just as she had done countless times for him. But when he asked her to “please, come inside”, she refused. She couldn’t look at them, couldn’t shoulder the guilt even if he’d bear it with her. Hell, he’d have taken all of it from her, if only she’d stay with him. 

And it is as she walks away that Bellamy realizes, the ache in his chest isn’t just from her not leaning on him, not believing he could take away her grief. It is due to the fact that she is taking his heart with her, leaving the rest of him behind.

It is in that moment that Bellamy realizes, he is in love with Clarke Griffin. 

This discovery now weighs on him, making it impossible for him to reach out to her. Because if he does, what if she rejects him again? What if one day, she decides that this homecoming isn’t what she wants, and decides to leave once more? 

Bellamy could let her go once, but he’s not sure he could do it again. 

But despite all of this, he can’t help but observe her from afar. He watches as she hurries around camp, worried about everyone but herself. She often spent days in the med bay, only reemerging when her mother kicks her out. She hardly ever slept in her tent, usually giving it to whoever needs it most. She had even tried to give away her food and blankets, but Monty had stopped her before Bellamy could. 

Despite what people thought, he always keeps an eye on her, as if his body is hyperaware of her presence. He knows when she needs more rest, or more food, or more blankets. He often spent the night outside just to keep her close by, usually waking up in the middle of the night to tend the fire she is curled next to for warmth. 

It is on such a night that Bellamy finds himself unable to sleep. He wakes to darkness, cursing as he hurriedly rekindles the fire. Then he watches as the flames send a flicker over Clarke’s features, noting how small she seems and how thin she has become. He is just about to turn away from her, when suddenly she sits up. Her movements startle him, causing him to whisper, “Clarke?”

But she doesn’t respond, or even register his presence. Instead, she stands and starts walking towards the gate. Bellamy doesn’t hesitate, following behind her. 

When they reach the gate, she pushes on them and they give way easily. Bellamy shakes his head, knowing that the guards must have fallen asleep - he’ll have to talk to David Miller about security measures. 

They come to the edge of the forest, but Clarke continues on. Going deeper and deeper into the trees, Clarke starts to stumble but seems unperturbed. In fact, she almost walks straight into a tree before Bellamy reaches out and grabs her hand. She spins to face him, the glazed expression fading away as she takes in Bellamy. 

She doesn’t seem surprised to see him. Instead she wraps her arms around his neck, pushing herself to him as his hands rest on her back. It is only now that Bellamy realizes it’s the first time he’s held Clarke since her return - she had tried to embrace him when she returned, running to him. But he couldn’t bear to feel her so close to him, not when he didn’t know if she was returning for good. So when he stepped away, she stopped in her tracks, staring at him for a few moments before Monty embraced her instead. 

Now, Bellamy doesn’t dare pull away. Finally letting the realization that she is home, here in his arms, wash over him. His breathing sounds ragged in the quiet forest, and he’s certain Clarke can feel his heart trying to escape from his chest. And it seems to soon when Clarke pulls away from him, her eyes shifting from his face to their surroundings. 

“Wait, why are we in the forest?” She asks, moving out of his arms to look at the trees around her. 

“I could ask you the same thing.” But when she turns to him, confusion written on her face, he adds, “I think you were sleep walking.” 

“And you just happened to follow me?” She says in disbelief, and Bellamy has trouble looking at her. 

“What can I say Princess, some habits die hard.” 

The forest is quiet as they’re both unable to speak or look at each other. It is only after several long minutes that Bellamy forces himself to glance at her. Only to find her looking away from him at the trees, in the direction that leads away from camp. 

“Clarke, you can’t.” 

“Can’t what?” She asks, still not looking at him. 

“You can’t leave again.”

Now she turns toward him, her eyes searching his. And it’s like their time apart hasn’t changed anything, as Bellamy looks at her and sees the question in her eyes, _“Why not?”_

“You can’t abandon us again. We need you - I need you.”

Clarke looks unconvinced as she looks to the trees once more. “Could have fooled me. Seems as if my presence hasn’t made much of a difference.” 

“Clarke, that’s not true. I -” 

But she stops him short, interrupting him. “Everyone just looks at with anger, _pain_. And I do everything I can to prove to them that all I want is to help. That I don’t regret what I did. But all I feel is guilt when I look at them.” She pauses for a moment, turning back towards him before continuing, “And I can’t help but hold my breathe, _waiting_. That is, with everyone but you.” 

Bellamy can’t seem to look away as pain and sadness come over Clarke. She is staring at him, desperation clearly written in her eyes. “Not even you can stand to be around me. And don’t tell me its not the truth, Bellamy. Don’t lie to me.” 

His lungs feel constrained as he forces himself to answer. “Clarke, that’s not it. I’m not -” But he stumbles, her face contorting in pain as she turns away from him again.

But he can’t seem to get the words out, can’t begin to explain. And he wishes she would just _look at him_ , read his mind as only she can. 

Instead, she continues to look out into the distance. They are silent for a few moments, before she says, “It doesn’t seem like I’m need here anymore. Not with the adults in charge. And I could never inspire the kids the way you do.” 

And Bellamy can’t stop himself from saying, “But if you’re gone, who is going to inspire me?” 

Clarke seems taken aback, now staring at him with a look of disbelief. Her eyes reach out to him, desperate for the truth. And Bellamy tries to make it clear, make her see just how much she means to him. Taking a step towards her, he holds his hand out only to have her move away.

He stops, trying to understand the look of lose on her face. But Bellamy knows that look, the look she usually has in a moment of weakness. A look that makes it clear she’s drowning. 

And he wants nothing more that to help her reach dry land. To make her sure of her own strength once again. 

“Clarke -” 

But her flashing eyes make him stop short as her breathing grows heavy, blinking repeatedly so as not to cry. 

“You know, I thought about you a lot when I was out there.” she says, gesturing to the woods beyond. “You’re the reason I decided to come back.” 

Bellamy knows the questions are written on his face, and she doesn’t deny him as she continues. 

“Every week or so, I’d go to Mount Weather. I wanted to face what I did. I hoped that one day I could look at the corpses, and know I did what had to be done. That there was no other choice.” 

Her breathing is ragged as a tear falls down her face, and this time she doesn’t move away when Bellamy steps closer. “Anyways, I had gone back and discovered some kind of animal eating the bodies. It was disgusting, seeing the animal do something like that. And I wanted to make it stop, to stop the destruction for once. So I shot it, but its skin was to tough or something. The only thing it did was make the animal turn away from the bodies, coming at me instead.” 

Now the tears are falling freely, and her lips tremble. She looks up at him, and his heart breaks at the fear in her eyes. And he can almost feel it when she says, “I was so scared. I - I didn’t know what to do. So I ran. But the animal, it was fast. I just managed to make it to the labs, and locked myself in one of the cages. The animal, it kept trying to get a me, attacking the bars. And all I could do was think about you, calling out for you.”

Bellamy can’t restrain himself, reaching out to brush away a tear as his voice breaks over her name, “Clarke.” 

She leans into his touch, her eyes drifting shut for a moment. But she opens them once more, staring at him as she finishes her story. “Eventually the animal left, but I stayed in the cage. I - I thought about you being locked in there, with the people of Mount Weather hurting you and the other forty-seven. I thought about how I was the one that sent you in there alone, how I had abandoned you to the mountain only to do so again when we got home. And all I could hear was you, saying, “We can get through this”; saying, “You don’t have to do this alone”. And I couldn’t bear it anymore. So, I came back. But when I did, it seemed I didn’t have your forgiveness anymore. That I had lost that too.” 

“Clarke, I never blamed you.” He says, his words rushing from his mouth. “You could never lose my acceptance or respect. You could never lose me.” 

Their eyes met, and they both remember a time before the mountain. Back when they had been desperate to save their people; yet she refused to let him go, not willing to lose him too. 

“Bellamy, I can’t go back to that person - the person I was before all of this. I don’t even know _who_ I am anymore. All I know is how to survive.” 

“Then, we can find a way to make peace with ourselves. Together.” And her look of cautiousness hope almost breaks him, but he can’t look away. “But you can’t keep running, Clarke. You have to come back with me. You can’t leave again.” 

And her fear and reserve seem to crumble as she glances at the trees behind her once more. “I don’t even know what I’ve come back to anymore. I can’t love them like before - like they deserve.” 

“That’s ok. I can love them enough for us both.” He says. And he barely glimpses the shocked smile on her face, before he pulls her into him arms - the first hug that he has initiated, unable to restrain himself anymore. “I can love you too.” 

Her sob breaks the quiet of their surrounds; but when he pulls back, he sees the light in her eyes. He takes her hand, squeezing it tightly.

“Let’s get the brave princess home.”

And there is no mockery in his voice, only adoration as he thinks, _“I’m never letting her go.”_


End file.
